Afterthoughts and words of wisdom

I was told I needed to let people know where my life had turned. In 2010 I was diagnosed with cancer. It was earth shattering for me. In a moment I realized what I loved so much. I realized what I didn't want to lose. I love life. I love Tommy. I love Jennifer. I love Maria. I love everyone that has come in to my life. Each and every one of them has hepled make me who I am. All the scars , all the heartbreak, all the pain has given me so much perspective. Oddly enough it's made me love more. During the process of writing this book Jennifer and I split up. It wasn't pretty, and just like my divorce I started to fall. Unlike my divorce I still feel as though she is part of me. No matter where she is or what she is doing , I feel as though she is with me through every experience. If it wasn't for Jennifer I never would have made it through all the pain. We are disconected but in many ways I feel as though my heart and soul still speaks to her. Physically our time is done, emotionally she's very much a part of me. Also unlike my divorce Tommy is here. Nine years old and growing. He enriches my every day. I am so insanely emotional when it comes to him. He still lets me hug and kiss him which I know won't last. He knows I'm sick and I know it scares him. I try to be brave but sometimes the pain is overwhelming and he catches me crying . I hope when people do get a chance to read this ,my chemotherapy will be done. I hope Tommy will be with me standing on a Hawain beach . Looking at those big waves. Amazingly I've learned so much this past year. I've got a pretty good memory and as no surprise to anyone I tend to write everything down. So here are a few of my favorite "isms"

• "If your marriage is hard work you realize there is no retirement plan right" Mike Miller


• "Some people have a hole in the bottom of their cup. They keep on trying to fill it with something new and it keeps leaking out. What they really need to do is fix their damn cup" Susie Hunter


• "You hold on to your family. God doesn't give everyone families"


• "Stop climbing for a second and look around. Too many people look at the peak and don't enjoy the climb." Ray(cancer survivor)


• "You're not afraid of heights....you're afraid of falling." Master Chief Gibson(USN)


• "I work here. I don't live here"


• "I'd much rather die trying than try to die" Dr. Kocs (oncologist)


• " I can always lose weight, but you'll allways be short(to me)" Damon Schiller


• "Honey this is the pizza you ordered, you knew what was on it when you ordered it" Al Koehler(in a fight with his wife referring to himself)


• "You just got dropped Tom. Your hands were down and you got dropped. Are you going to go home , sulk, and never fight again, or are you going to get up, keep your hands up next time and come back stronger?" My therapist


• "Don't give up Daddy." Never Tommy.Never.