The Best Day Ever

Maria and I had just spent the last 4 years 9 months and 3 days surviving millitary enlistment. I joined when I was 21 because I was literaly just throwing my life away. I was dropping out of college and had no grip on what I wanted to do with my life. One thing was certain, my fiance Maria was about to graduate from college and I was certain to drag her down with me.I needed a change. I needed motivation. So like many young men before me I got my life back on track by joining the millitary. It was peace time when I joined ,so the threat of war was not an issue. I still joined with the lofty goal of being a Navy Seal. Anyone who knew me personally, knew that while I was all attitude, The body of a Navy SEAL was not something I possessed. From the start of boot camp I was mercilously harassed for my lack of conditioning. Never the one to back away from a challenge I worked out harder. While I never made it through the SEAL program I did become a gunners mate, and an Explosive Ordinace Desposal (EOD) operative. While in the the military I recieved a degree and finally seemd to be on a productive carreer path. After 4 years 9 months and 3 days of enlisted life we moved to Austin to start a life together. We were highschool sweethearts. We had met in Bryan,Tx when I was a junior and she was senior. She was the driven one. Good grades. member of the student council. I was .....well ...not. I had dyed hair, the remenance of a mohawk, and I would come to realize later in life, a very wounded soul. Maria made me want to be a better man. She made me want to study. To try harder. We both came from strict families. I was an adopted only child and she was one of six. Both my parent were scholars. Maria was the first person in her family to attend and complete college. So here we were both in our mid 20's and starting a life in Austin,Tx. I think we had been in Austin about a year when I realized something was wrong. We were ....missing eachother. Have you ever gone to give someone a high five and you just miss their hand? Well that was us. Over and over again. We just couldn't connect. I was obsessed with work. I wanted to be the best personal trainer in Austin. Hands down. I was doing something I loved(and still do) and I wanted to be sucessful. I wanted to write books about fitness(still do).When asked about my life the common phrase you would hear from my mouth was"I want" . That "wanting" led me down a path of constant work,parties for clients, dinners with clients, and essentially energy spent on my clients. When I came home I wanted my wife to tell me how great I was. I mean afterall this was all for her right? Wrong. We never communicated. We talked about divorce and than one night as I was about to teach class, I got a message on my phone. Crying I could hear Maria say"Tom, I just took a pregnancy test and I'm pregnant. I just wanted to let you know." I was stunned. I was never a "baby" guy . I was an only child and just a little spoiled when it came to getting what I wanted. The one thing I realized soon was that becomming a parent truly changes you whole life. Our issues got put on a back burner and we prepared for our baby. In hindsight this should have been the time that we got counseling to learn how to communicate. I hear about so many families that think having a child will solve all their problems. Wha I have found out over the years is that , if anything, it magnifies many of the problems, and can leave you staring across the dinner table with a reat deal of resentment and regret. Tommy was born December 6th 2001. It stands today as the best day ever. For a day everything was perfect. I was so filled with love. Love for my beautiful wife. Love for my beautiful little boy. Tommy was born with a full head of hair and natural sweet disposition. I couldn't stop holding him. To this day I get very emotional when I hug my son. I know, I know I'm a little sappy. I wanted to do it all.Change diapers, pick out his clothes,bath him, play with him,feed him, and hold him in my arms while he slept. I was fortunate to have daycare at my gym while I worked. He came with me. Carseat ,diaper bag, and 3 bottles of breast milk. I was a dad with a plan. I still worked too much, but hey now I had a purpose. Tommy was the love of my life. He was the reason why I worked so much. He was my everything. However , as I found out later , if he was my everything what was my wife? I've seen this happen so much in families with new babies. The baby becomes the new focus and in many ways the relationship between the parents gets put to the side. Ironically , it's the relationship between the parents that offers the most support to the child. It offers them a sense of stability and security. Our relationship was put on the back burner and it didn't take long for trouble to ensue .