If you want blood

I woke up August 9th , my 31st birthday with a heavy heart. I sat up in bed, kissed Jenn and started crying. "I'm so scared I'll never see him again Jenn." She hugged me and told everything would be OK. I got dressed, went to work for 2 hours and then showed up at my attorneys office. I changed into slacks and a button down shirt and got ready. Today was the final custody battle. We had heard that Maria's attorney had chosen today, my birthday, last week. It seemed fitting I guess. Go in for the kill and hit him where it hurts. As I arrived at the courthouse I saw my parents. They smirked and said "happy birthday". I saw our best friends, my clients, and my ex-in laws. Maria's mom came up to me, hugged me and said "you will always be my son." I waited in a holding area while our docket got called. In about 30 minutes we walked in and went to war. We both hit each other with everything we had. In the end Maria asked for complete separation of all parental rights, the ability to move out of state, restitution , and child support. I asked for joint custody , shared parental rights, and a protective order against my parents. As the judge rose to leave I stood up. "please don't take my son away. Please don't let him grow up without a daddy." I sat and sobbed. I was done. I had nothing left. I had listened for the last 2 hours how I was a bad father, a horrible husband, and a disappointment as son. I pictured going home without Tommy and swallowing the pills. I didn't want to live anymore. I just couldn't handle it. Than something happened. Jenn texted me. "I love you. Everything is going to be OK." I sat in my attorney office crying. I had nothing. No family. No nothing. And for some reason this amazing young lady at home loved me. I wiped my eyes and stood up. About 10 minutes later the Judge stood before us. Joint custody, shared conservator ship, Maria couldn't move, and my parents could never be left alone with him. We had won. For some reason I didn't feel like a winner. I watched as Maria heard the verdict. She was shocked. I'm sure her attorney assured her victory. That day Tommy came home with me. I hugged him so much. I kept kissing him. To this day I still haven't stopped kissing him. My little man. I remember calling Jenn and telling her what had happened. I was so happy. She was as well. For the first time I felt my shoulders lift. My heart was full. .....and then I started getting scared. What if he didn't like me anymore? What if he cried for his mom? What if ...what if...what if. I had a mini breakdown at home. Jenn in typical Jenn fashion smiled and told me"it's going to be OK. You're his daddy. Of course he loves you." So I walked in with Tommy and said"Tommy this is my good friend Jennifer." He was shy. He kind of hid. I went to get some thing out of the car later that night and walked in to Tommy sitting next to Jennifer on the couch with a book. Apparently he asked her to read it for him. She looked up with a slightly bewildered grin. It was almost as though Tommy had thrown up a little test for Jenn and she had passed. Everything was going to be OK. Now I had to relearn how to be a dad and put all those ideological views to task. I had a long road ahead of me still. For the first time in a while I felt like I had a family.